Anyone that has two boys under five would probably agree that they live in chaos.  Add the blindness factor and typically I am left using my other senses to determine the aftermath.  I feel as though I am constantly attempting to predict and use my intuition as to what the boys may do or may be doing as I can’t directly see it.  My intuition is often correct but just as meteorologists often are incorrect on the path of a tornado, I have been known to be a little too confident in their ability to follow instructions.

The best way for you, the reader, to “C” my world “Through My Eyes,” is to give some examples.  I would be lying if I said that any of these are not hilarious, but somehow as a parent I must reframe from completely bursting out in laughter in the moment.  Without further ado, let the chaos begin.  

1.     Kennan Teaches Tut to Wipe Him:  Kennan is fully potty trained but as all of us probably needed when we were this young, a little “confirmation wipe” by mommy or daddy was always beneficial after using the toilet.  I am not sure how it all started but immediately after dropping a “deuce” Kennan will get off the throne, call for us and get into downward facing dog pose so we can do a “confirmation wipe” that he is all clean.  This alone is quite comical but recently as I was cleaning up the destruction downstairs, I heard laughter upstairs.  I yelled up, “Hey, what are you two doing up there?”  Quickly, Kennan came out and said, “I’m teaching Tut to wipe me.”  Within seconds, Tut said, “Tut wipe Kennan.”  I couldn’t see it, but my intuition told me that Tut had a piece of toilet paper in his hand and sure enough he did.  I guess I should be a proud daddy because they had been taught teamwork at a young age but I’m not sure that this is the type of teamwork I was trying to teach.

2.     Kennan Goes Pee Before Bedtime:  Before putting on a pull-up and going to bed, we always try to make it routine that Kennan uses the toilet first.  One night recently I told Kennan, “Go to the bathroom and pee so we can get your pull up on.”  He listened to me and headed into the bathroom.  A few minutes later however, he came out and said, “I peed in the sink.”  I said, “Are you serious?” I walked in and because I couldn’t immediately see fresh yellow markings in the sink, I used my other senses and got up close and smelled.  Sure enough, the stench of urine was there, and I immediately said, you’re cleaning this up.”  In my head I was laughing because although it was disgusting, it was also quite funny.  He had gotten up on the stool and just voided in the sink.  I swear I did not teach him that nor had he seen it done before.  

3.     Toothpaste Scruff:  One night the two boys were brushing their teeth and then came over to me.  Kennan said, “Look I’m daddy” and then Tut said, “Be like Daddy.”  In the moment I had no idea what they were talking about, nor could I see any significant difference in the blurry world that I live in.  Moments later, Kennan came over to me and stuck his face right near me.  I put my hand on his cheek and felt sticky toothpaste on my hand.  Immediately, it came to me what they were doing.  They were imitating my facial scruff by painting it on their face with toothpaste.  I have no idea how they came up with this idea, but it was quite comical in the back of my head. 

4.      Biking Chaos in the Store:  Most parents probably wouldn’t let their kids take their balance bikes into the grocery store.  Most parents aren’t like Blind Baby Daddy though.  Most parents have cars that they drive right up near the door and place the kids in the cart.  Blind Baby Daddy on the other hand must walk to the store.  This typically means that we take the wagon and balance bikes.  The wagon helps haul the groceries and serves as the “bail out” plan when Tut gets tired or has a tantrum.  There are rules that they must always stay close to daddy but just like all other rules, they don’t always follow them.  The boys aren’t great at understanding how to react to oncoming traffic yet and I am sure that I get tons of dirty looks at the store, but my response to those looks is, “I don’t care.”   There are other people however that see this spectacle and have told me, “You should get dad of thee year!”

5.     Adding a Dog to the Mix:  On top of the two little rug rats, we also have a Vizsla dog.  Those that know Vizsla’s are aware that they are a bit high strung with energy.  Our Vizsla, Gunther, is actually kind of lazy for the breed but that only takes him from an ADHD child on cocaine to an ADHD kid without the extra “uppers”.  That said, when the kids play with the Play-Doh or color with crayons, they are constantly leaving scraps behind or not picking up on of the crayons.  I never see him grab one but whenever Gunther is under the dining room table, I know he must be eating a crayon of a lump of Play-Doh.  The kids know he rule though, if they don’t pick up their stuff and Gunther eats it, it’s gone and not being replaced.  

Well, that’s all for this rendition of Blind Baby Daddy. I am never lacking in great content so I am sure I will have another one of these blogs very soon.